impatient in​-​patient (demOs)

by lonely carp

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about

shitty demos of things

credits

released October 26, 2014

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about

lonely carp Coventry, UK

silly english boy likes to play the piano

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Track Name: i wanted to touch myself
PART i: 50mg

never set up your friends
you'll only upset them
stuck with a wide-on of a man
who's never home
singing some revealing songs
about personal things
because god i want to be god i want to be god i want to be god like he is

PART ii: 100mg

get your shit together mr CALLUM
fuck you and fuck me
but if you do i'll still be me
and that's the worst
part about it
what's left when you take all this away
when you DON'T TAKE THAT TONE WITH ME
i want to find it some place on my keys

PART iii: 10000mg all at once

i will be never be true enough
and i will never good love
i'l kill my dog and all my friends and everything i ever touch


tried to touch myself
and my housemate cleaned it up

PART iv: [flamenco dancer emoji]

i don't know what episode it is
but i'm sucked
and remembering
wonderful times
when we should have gone to bed
but we didn't


tv see me
tv see me see me
see me

am i making you proud yet
what am i allowed
this regret
this doubt is growing out
is growing out
is growing out
is growing out

i feel milky
i couldn't tell you what it means
but i feel it
you know what i mean now i'm older with habits
back then i wondered will i ever have it

PART v: the truth

now i'll never get it back
Track Name: double yellow lines
all my adolescent anxieties

are caught inside my adult heartbeat

i learnt to climb a tree called self animosity

to see how high I could be

i’m sorry I’ve been less than kind

some things will never be mine

my most punishable crime

is taking for granted the time

we have left until we’re dead

until we’re dead

don’t wana die

not having said

what was in my head

get out of bed

get off your meds

things just got fucked up

i hope you understand

hated you so much

but none of it was planned

and feelings fell like snow

outside a hospital window

on the day i learnt to climb

things came into view

but climbing is dangerous too

just like the things I’ve done to you

under a table at school

in a Floridian swimming pool

dans mon coeur il ya une foule

one day you are fine

the next you’ve spread red across double yellow lines

and a man is late to work

because of what you thought your life wasn’t worth
Track Name: whatever
everyone is gay

except the ones who should be

every1 is not okay

except the ones who should be

everyone needs glasses

everyone

to see their life as it passes

myopically by their eyes

maybe i’ll write a song

maybe i’ll write a song

maybe i’ll write a song about it

maybe i’ll write a song

maybe i’ll write a song

'cause that's all i can do

that’s all

that’s all i

that’s all i

that’s all

that’s all i can do about it.

everyone can write a song

especially the ones

who shouldn’t
Track Name: if a tree falls in a forest and there's no one around to hear it, does it shut the fuck up and die quietly?
listen to yourself

you’re not making any sense

nothing’s making any sense

gobbledegook

all over my shoes

gibberish

smelling like shit

your thoughts and ideas

smell like shit

and there’s no keeping track of it

you’ll lose track of it just like i did just like i did

your words come out like piano music in an overpriced bar

faint and ignored

this love won’t be love

and love won’t be enough

for you

for you

love won’t be enough for you

for you, no love

won’t be enough for you

for you

and all the tree trunks you screwed yourself into

are just wood

with roots

they’re just wood with roots

and if i could, if i could, i’d cut off all my branches and give them to you

so you could finally see

the weight that i carry

and it will mean nothing to you

it won’t be enough for you

'cause love will never be enough

love will never be enough

for you

for you love

will never be tough for you,

love.

and love

won’t be enough

for you,

love.
Track Name: same old shit
everybody’s name is chris

quick you haven’t been high for like ten minutes

i want the keys to something

i don’t want to wash up these mugs

i want someone near to me

to love and stuff and stuff

stop caring so much

don’t talk so much

be okay with yourself

and such and such and such

you’ll be coming home so soon

you won’t even know you ever left

artie said YOU’RE STILL NOT DEAD STOP FOCUSING ON DEATH

looking back’s not looking back

it’s tilting to the side

the past is in the past and there’s no better place to hide

the past is in the past

and there’s no better place to hide.
Track Name: b*****d rituals
close the bathroom door
you've got to make sure
you've locked the bathroom door

bite your fingernails
when all else fails
yeah, you'll bleed a bit
but at least you'll have something
that sticks

and you'll try to quit
but there's no quitting this

just like all your dirty habits

this could be the last time i do this
this could be the last time i do this

that's bullshit
that's bullshit
and you know it

blessed rituals
blessed rituals
though i'm getting old
blessed rituals

this could be the last time i do this
this could be the last time i do this
please let this be the last time i do this
i tried
i've tried my best
my best to quit
Track Name: phone sex with big dutchie
getting to sleep at 7am
because nothing to wake up for
is a good thing i have curtains
so no-one can see in
green is for go
horizontago
whispering
disgusting things
sweet and sticky [this is fucked up]
Track Name: some body (from the point of view of the guy whose wallet regina spektor found)
it’s 1:21 at my mum’s house

red red wine

it’s 1:51 at my mum’s house

everything is fine

i need to get sleep

it’s the second time this week

why do i even try

all the pain and suffering will eventually subside

we’ll eventually subside

it’s 10am at my mum’s house

i’m trying to be quiet as a mouse

it’s 10am at my mum’s house

why the fuck

did i drink

that much

don’t have a job

don’t have a wallet

some body stole it

don’t have a job

don’t have a wallet

cos some body stole it
Track Name: irida (how to figure out who you are)
irida

irida

irida

i read a wikihow about figuring out

who you are

i set my brower’s pri

vacy settings high

i didn’t want anyone to find out

i was trying to figure it out

irida

irida

oh

irida

it said

we use drugs

when we’re having problems

with ourselves
Track Name: ok2π
you can’t cry

when you’re high

you won’t be blue child

just fitting in with the sky

you’ll be you

just wrapped up in a smile

i know that i should be using my brain

instead i’m polluting it once or twice maybe three times a day

i could be out there

no-one else to blame

what’s more fickle

than somebody’s family name

you can’t cry

or lay down and die

your choices are yours kid

my choices are mine

i never knew

the plural of octopus

wasn’t ok2π

you can’t cry

or lay down and die

your choices are yours kid

my choices are mine
Track Name: breaking bad
living here is free

but not me

and i’m not living

and i’m not living

look at me

not the fucking TV

can’t you see

i’ve been breaking so badly
Track Name: fusilli alla make believe
three months I sat on your couch
kissing you on the mouth
and i spoke to you on that fucking mobile app
you said who is this and the black mirror cracked
i’ve never been good at that
telling people who i am
or letting people know what i want
i’m screaming that i’m nonchalant
i bought 10 shares of stock
in being an emotional rock
i think somewhere i pissed off lady luck
she fucked me right after we fucked
i’m not a dancer
i’m a piano player
i move around but not as much
i’m not a dancer i’m a piano player
the keys are the only ones i touch
it’s not that I wanted you back I just thought
you’d remember the loneliest fish you ever caught
but I know now you didn’t understand
you never even held my hand
i’m not a dancer
i’m a piano player
maybe someday a doctor
if I get my shit together
and be a bit better
at making decisions
do I want to make cuts or do I want to
make incisions
and I had all these questions
i still have all these questions

you weren’t the answer
skinny dancer
i ate my feelings along with your pasta
how fucked up it is
that I still think I could have kept you for longer if I’d have gone faster
i said you’re looking at me
do you like what you see
and you took all the weight off my aching branches
you were cooking fusilli
alla make believe
oh the difference between looking and indifferent glances