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I pushed all my flowers
into early graves
but that never stopped me
taking what he gave
he gave
I ate all the insects
hatching from my eyes
sapped of all their power
never will they rise
they rise
I pushed all my flowers
into early graves
and now there they settle
in with all his shame
[Leviticus 15]
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[Virgil's Aeneid]
under
under
under every leaf
drink from the river, forget
drink from the river, forget
there is no point in regret
so drink
No Lethe, Cocytus or Acheron
neither Phlegethon's fiery pain
or the noble river of Styx
is able to wash out the stain
in things that breathe here in the world
for only virtue's water can
wash out the stain in life unfurled
no breezes that come bringing rain
no balm of yellow sandalwood
no necklaces beside, or gems
or soft effulgence of moonbeams
can here avail to calm and soothe
all of men's fevers in this world, whereas
this noble, this supremely flowing cool
well guarded virtue
quells the flame
where is there to be found the scent
that can with virtue's scent compare?
and that is born against the wind
as easily as with it?
where can such another stair be found
that climbs as virtue does to heaven
where can such another stair be found
that climbs as virtue does to heaven
Verily I build such frail houses
Verily I build them by the stream
Verily I build on such foundations
to rot away the leaves of my False Dreams
Heavenly dreams wilt and crumble in the breeze
falling
down
to drown in rivers, out to sea
no longer buoyed, for never was I emptied
of all the men who've ever been inside of me
of all the men who've ever been inside of me
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3. |
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O Labyrinth O Father
one should make an island of Oneself
And fall back into the Labyrinth
and fall right back into Your arms
O this disgusting truth
Four walls to hang a roof
over my weary head
knight of the living dead
Washed up to wetter shores
Athena of the North
Tissue to dry your mouth
Fissure of the South
Icarus got nothing on us now.
(got nothing now)
O Labyrinth O Father
one should make an island of Oneself
and fall back into the Labyrinth
and fall right back into Your arms.
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4. |
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Lie, terrified
of what just might
happen tonight
come, Paradise
parts left behind
I don't mind
All of my days
turn into nights
I didn't die (at least this time)
closing my eyes
open my thighs
I'll get this stain
I'll get this stain out
when it
dries
when it
dries
Daddy,
are you mad at me?
[Providence Hymn]:
I am the Providence of everything.
I became like my own human children.
I existed from the first
I walked down every possible road.
I am the wealth of the Light.
I am the remembering of the Fullness.
I walked into the place of greatest darkness
and on
down.
I entered the central part of the prison.
The foundations of chaos quaked.
I hid because of their evil -
they did not recognise me.
I came down a second time.
Continuing on, I
emerged from among those of Light.
I am
The remembering
of Providence.
I entered the middle of darkness,
The inner part of the Underworld.
To pursue my mission -
the foundations of chaos quaked!
THREATENING TO COLLAPSE UPON
ALL WHO WERE THERE
AND UTTERLY DESTROY THEM
I SOARED UPWARD AGAIN
TO MY ROOTS
IN THE LIGHT!
SO AS NOT TO DESTROY THEM ALL YET
I DESCENDED A THIRD TIME -
I AM LIGHT!
I AM
DWELLING IN LIGHT!
I AM THE REMEMBERING OF PROVIDENCE!
I ENTERED THE MIDST OF DARKNESS!
I CAME TO THE DEEPEST PART OF THE UNDERWORLD!
I LET MY FACE LIGHT UP!
THINKING OF THE END OF THEIR TIME
I ENTERED THE PRISON!
THE BODY
IS
THAT
PRISON.
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5. |
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twenty pounds to place his flesh in ripples of abundance
O'er her breast to teach her independence
the autonomy of nerves and nervousness
'Neath the cushion, 'neath the mattress
shackles that he tackles with
Sin
Sin
Sin
Sin
Sin
Sin
to place upon
his throat a knife
(a man of grating appetite)
to place upon
his throat a knife
(a man of grating appetite)
and as my right hand made him tremble
I dismembered it from me
far better to lose just one part
than feel the weighing of my body
descending through saliva stains
and through seamen shipwrecked on the rocks
and velcro fastened
pulling hair
from out of wrinkled liver spots
and velcro fastened
pulling hair
from out of wrinkled liver spots
I
Devour
The
Afflicted
From
The Earth
And the Needy
From
Among
Men.
I DEVOUR
THE AFFLICTED FROM THE EARTH
AND THE NEEDY FROM AMONG MEN
(WE DEVOUR
THE AFFLICTED FROM THE EARTH
AND THE NEEDY FROM AMONG MEN)
I DEVOUR
THE AFFLICTED FROM THE EARTH
AND THE NEEDY FROM AMONG MEN
(WE DEVOUR
THE AFFLICTED FROM THE EARTH
AND THE NEEDY FROM AMONG MEN)
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6. |
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I BEAT THE SICKNESS OF THE WORLD
WITH MY DRUM
WITH MY DRUM
WITH MY DRUM
WITH MY DRUM WITH MY
DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM!
I HOLD THE ILLNESS OF THE WORLD
IN MY DRUM
IN MY DRUM
IN MY DRUM
IN MY DRUM IN MY
DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM!
BEHOLD THE ILLNESS OF THE WORLD!
IN MY DRUM
IN MY DRUM
IN MY DRUM
IN MY DRUM IN MY
DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM!
I AM THE SICKNESS OF THE WORLD!
ONCE FAGGOT
TWICE ANANSI GIRL
you, my dear child
are my weapons
and my shame eclipses yours
now take your invincible shafts
and drink the water from my gourd
and shoot those swift
flying arrows
into the wretched
heart of God
a third of the world is at stake
my shame it will
swaddle
yours.
Mother, blighting fruits of Earth
opened herself to afford
a way conveyed through bottommost caves
with a clew of umbilical cord
consort supreme to the sovereign Lord
in the dwelling of the Minotaur
in the centre of my greatest shame
I am giving birth to all of yours
In the centre of my greatest shame
I am giving birth to all of yours
In the centre of my greatest shame
I am giving birth to all of yours
I am giving birth to all of yours
VERILY I BUILD
SUCH FRAIL HOUSES
MERRILY I PLUCKED
A CRIMSON POMEGRANATE FRUIT
JEALOUSLY I ATE
THE SEVEN SEEDS
AND THEY TOOK ROOT
MY FRIEND COCKROACH'S MACHETE
SLASHED IN HALF MY SUIT
(verily
I
build
such
frail
houses)
I BEAT THE SICKNESS OF THE WORLD
(WE BEAT THE SICKNESS OF THE WORLD!)
WITH MY DRUM
WITH MY DRUM
WITH MY DRUM
WITH MY DRUM WITH MY
DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM!
I HOLD THE ILLNESS OF THE WORLD
(WE HOLD THE ILLNESS OF THE WORLD!)
IN MY DRUM
IN MY DRUM
IN MY DRUM
IN MY DRUM IN MY
DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM!
BEHOLD THE ILLNESS OF THE WORLD
(WE HOLD THE ILLNESS OF THE WORLD!)
I AM THE SICKNESS OF THE WORLD
(WE ARE THE SICKNESS OF THE WORLD)
I HOLD THE SICKNESS OF THE WORLD
(WE ARE THE SICKNESS OF THE WORLD
WE ARE THE SICKNESS OF THE WORLD)
IN MY DRUM
IN MY DRUM
IN MY DRUM
IN MY DRUM IN MY
DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM!
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7. |
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I cried out
anyone who hears
rise up from your deep sleep
and the sleeping one awoke and wept
wiping bitter tears, saying:
"who calls me?
where has my hope come from
as I lie in the depths of this prison?"
my art is a sickness
heart a madness
an empty and cracked
bowl of a dream
and the artifice
of a tight squeeze
as if somehow someone might be
holding in my mesentery
and keeping all my organs
in.
I live as a window
a window into Others' lives
teaching them all lessons
them lessons about Light
and how it touches
Every
Disgusting
Thing.
God, I am hungry -
and praying -
to be
remembered
(my face contained in silver cloche)
and I am praying
not
to be forgot.
I live as a widow
Being -
a fickle
and so prickly
thing.
hingeing on a swinging door
a hall of mirrors I abhor
and what's more
trust, but diseased
encrusted anxiety
rusted in fallacious apathy
then whittled by chisels
into visages of femininity
to capture men as winged statues
quivering on dewy ropes
I pull from out
of me
strings of violins, a cello, and a double bass
and the web of dirges dance in the mandibles of silence
I devour my love
and wonder
where
it's gone.
I
devour
my
love
and
wonder
where
it's
gone
"I am the providence of pure Light", I replied -
"I am the thought of the Virgin Spirit
raising you up to an honoured place!
Rise up!
Remember what you have heard!
Trace back your roots
to me -
the merciful one.
Guard
against the poverty demons
guard
against the chaos demons
guard against ALL WHO WOULD BIND YOU!
AWAKEN!
STAY AWAKE!
RISE
OUT OF THE DEPTHS
OF THE UNDERWORLD!"
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lonely carp's studio debut, curated as a theatrical, avant-cabaret and gut-wrenching descent to the underworld.
released November 20, 2021
conceptualised, composed, performed & recorded by callie rose petal (lonely carp)
co-produced by lonely carp & maniatrix
mastered by maniatrix
clarinet by jem green (river duck)
viola by morven warren-mcardle
Made possible and supported by Help Musicians UK's 'Do It Differently' Fund and the generous donations of patrons at
patreon.com/lonelycarp
