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the shape of celery (live in glasgow)

by lonely carp

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catrinvincent
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catrinvincent This artist is one to watch, for sure. She dives so deep into her pain and experiences, it's a truly cathartic listen.
Christopher Coolidge
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1.
falling, leaves 04:30
lyrics
all the fights and the fury no judge and no jury could sentence us even now still somehow i’m allowing myself hope’s relentlessness after all that i did after all that i put your little heart through after all that you did yet i truly believed you didn’t do while we were perched right on the isthmus you wrote on the to do list christmas gift we received from my mother in ink to simply love each other there is no way anymore like a sponge that’s been wrung there is too much and not enough between us now and all our time before like a song that’s been sung i can play it over in my head again until it’s real somehow until it’s real somehow i’m trying hard to care for myself i mostly just make myself unwell bisecting my heart to wear on both sleeves everyone’s falling and everyone leaves everybody’s falling everybody leaves it’s not the future in your mind but every moment lost you find inside a box that you never close inside a life you know you chose and i’m trying hard to care for myself i mostly just make myself unwell but there’s still a place where light gets through a hole in my soul that’s shaped like you
2.
double yellow lines 04:11
lyrics
all my adolescent anxieties are caught inside my adult heartbeat i learned to climb a tree called self-animosity to see how high i could be i’m sorry i’ve been less than kind but some things will never be mine my most punishable crime is taking for granted the time we have left until we’re dead until we’re dead don’t wanna die not having said what was in my head get out of bed get off your meds things just got fucked up i hope you understand hated you so much but none of it was planned feelings fell like snow outside a hospital window on the day i learned to climb things came into view but climbing is dangerous too just like the things i’ve done to you under a table a school in a floridian swimming pool you let me into your igloo and it was so cool one day you are fine the next you’ve spread red across double yellow lines and a man is late to work because of what you thought your life wasn’t worth
3.
big death energy 04:36
lyrics
it’s time to make a joke of this like you made a joke of me never respecting always rejecting my entire identity it’s time to make a joke of this like i made a joke of us we were always using, i was always choosing power over trust it’s time to make a joke of this, it’s been a whole year, nearly! although i loved the smell of your pits and i loved your dick oh so very dearly i refuse to be the butt of this one as much as you and my butt had fun i don’t deserve to be abused you got some transphobic bullshit you gotta work through, boo i won’t bear this load of guilt no more, at the time it was safer to lie - i don’t care how good your dick was, you also made me want to die
4.
mark left 06:54
lyrics
lying back to back for the second night reminds me of our bunkbeds and keeping on the light like mother like son you and reggie both held on wherever you go you know you’ll always belong not so much for me, i rushed out of there from day one i didn’t really belong anywhere his arrival almost cost your life screaming: ‘don’t you let him out of your sight’ we will never know the mark we’ll leave on others when we go i love you and i wish that i lived close easter trees, un-birthdays, sunday roasts continuing the story that our own mother wrote two weeks later, to the day, she let me know the dark took mark – she’d had to let her brother go the city’s chest has lungs inside since i was young our tongues were tied i lived my life unmindful while my mother watched her brother die the city’s bones have cells inside they multiply divide, remind me of my gran, bereft, remind me of the mark he left behind we will never know the mark we’ll leave on others when we go i love you and i wish we could have spoke i played the pitt i played the oak this shy goodbye i tried to evoke had reached its lowly closing note i stood up, put the hood up on my coat and in what may have been a great cosmic joke i thought i saw you in the smoke while i broke i thought i saw you in the smoke
5.
esmeralda 05:14
lyrics
esmeralda wrap my arms around her if only you could see the places we have been in my dreams in my dreams you hang like a cloud above us all of my lost friends and lovers everything is ending too soon life and love, but i’ll still have you i wish you could grow two arms to hold me close and say “i love you darling” you blew into my life if you burn, why’m i still cold at night? *piano punching* you break my aching lungs my replacement organ of love you’ve no skin to touch instead i’ll skin you up because your drug is my love but it’s not enough it’s not enough it’s not enough
6.
lady luck 07:25
lyrics
there is a man now who loves me for who i am and i understand why you never held my hand we were such a disgrace in this unholy place filled up with come and body odour you asked me to choke you while i was inside your ass the drugs had reached a critical mass your eyes darted about like fireflies i was fucking petrified you really might have nearly died you really might have nearly died you were lying jerking on/off and then your seizure stopped and then we both woke the fuck up the start of me the end of us so melt the igloo! drain the lake! let the bathing girl awake! burn the monster at the stake! and let the scathing mirror break! i’ll be myself for everybody else’s sake i said: ‘you’re looking at me, do you like what you see?’ and you took all the weight off my aching branches you were cooking fusilli alla make believe oh the difference between looking and indifferent glances i bought ten shares of stock in being an emotional rock i think somewhere i pissed off lady luck she fucked me right after we fucked
7.
tinky winky! 04:49
lyrics
back home from nursery put the teletubbies on now i think that tinky winky was the OG non- binary rights champion with their sickening expression femme queen realness goes to teach us children a lesson that gender is a lie we tell each other and ourselves for some of us it becomes the inner circle of hell but tinky winky told me before i could even tell my gender iden-titties hadn’t grown yet quite so well then i realised i wasn’t a lass or a lad they didn’t understand at school and just called me a fag back in the 90s representation was so bad tinky winky was the only role model i had so i went full tinky winky with the full hand bag going full tinky winky girl, yeah! that’s where it’s at! cool tinky winky, what you got in your handbag? probably a lipstick and a gigantic pride flag growing up in pain was the only way i knew how then i learned to love myself and bitch, look at me now! fuck how you’ve been told to dress everything is allowed celebrate yourself with both a curtsey and a bow and go full tinky winky with the full handbag going full tinky winky girl, yeah! that’s where it’s at! cool tinky winky, what you got in your handbag? probably a lipstick and a gigantic pride flag tinky winky, oh, tinky winky what you got in your handbag? tinky winky, yes queen, tinky winky! i grew out of you and then grew back tinky winky, oh, tinky winky you sashayed along the right track tinky winky, yes queen, tinky winky! you’re made up of what the world lacks
8.
the girl i am 06:30
lyrics
if you lived here, you’d be home by now i couldn’t tell which were mountains, which were clouds nothing i write or sing out aloud is enough to get across four years now, buried underground the point is to see there is no point and keep on living anyway i wanted to wake up in a parallel universe, like yesterday how can that fact that nearly everyone on earth has either felt, or will feel what i’m feeling be so iso- lating and i just want to pick up the phone and hear your voice and if you were dead, at least then i wouldn’t try, or pretend like this can be better this isn’t over we could’ve got sober and i’m not a monster but we crushed white petals up and we hurt each other we hurt other so much beyond all recognition down i fall this well’s not for wishing it feels like you’re dead and i think i know now why it feels like i killed you without saying goodbye i could never love you as a non-fictional man and you could never love me for the girl i am (goodbye)

about

"Last to perform, lonely carp sat down and spoke about the honest and painful experiences which had influenced their music. They sung with such an intense passion that I had shivers running down my back throughout the whole performance. One song about their sexual identity was sung with such truth and strong vocals that I forgot I had a pint of Tennents in my hand and almost dropped it. Each song was powerful and meaningful, and on top of that they had the voice of a saint" - Glasgow University Magazine


live recordings from the shape of celery, an evening of performance by LGBTQ artists at the 13th note in glasgow, 6 months ago (before the world imploded) on sunday 24th november

first up that evening was miss leading, followed by sarya, two talented performers and close friends of mine also based in edinburgh

a PDF lyric booklet comes with the EP, featuring official photographs of the show by edie odd (of glasgow university magazine) and art by me

*warning: very explicitly queer lyrics throughout*

credits

released June 1, 2020

recorded by marc freeman
written and performed by callie rose (lonely carp)
associate producer: kurtis yorke

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