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i fell, quiet

by lonely carp

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happy birthday barnabie

lyrics

[you didn't drop me]
Inside your dressing gown
I count the hairs on your arm
Far fewer than mine
(A smoothness I could never know)
And I’ve never had this much room before

Ungroomed, unkempt, dishevelled
You trimmed my claws in your bed
I know no love is like another
(And I will never be my brother)

I know your smell so well by now
It keeps me up at night
When I am down and out
And you move about me, lovingly
Make allowances for all my messes
Dampening noises I try not to make

And falling,
It was easy -
All I ever had to do
was struggle
You didn’t
Drop me
(I know how that should feel by now)

And out, away, from the safety of your hand
It was only my own gravity
Holding on to me then

And it could have never been your fault
I’ve never had this much room before
(I promise you, this isn’t blood)

I told myself I needed more -

In the rattled cage of morning
(Knowing not what I had asked for)
I fell, now pulleyed by the sun
Reaching with my growing claws
At the lesser, empty freedom
I’d known so many times before
The nails and grain in wooden boards
Of the sprawling wide and open floor

take your
shoes off
come in
side
you don't
have to
hide
any
more

I've been
loving
you
from inside
a cardboard box

I've been
loving
you
with all the
things
just out of reach
of my touch

you don't
have to
hide anymore

you laid me
down
in your big bed

you laid me down
kissed me on my head

you laid me down
kissed me on my head

you laid me down in your big bed

you told me

you loved me

so this made deeper

tears flow when

you laid me down in your big bed

I fell, quiet

for the first time

I fell, quiet

(in my mind)

credits

released October 3, 2022

license

all rights reserved

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