Get all 16 lonely carp releases available on Bandcamp and save 35%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of FAGOCYTE: my plate is empty i ate everything let me go, i fell, quiet, ARCHITECT OF MY ABUSE: this chapel you built must surely collapse, THE LABYRINTH CYCLE: iterations on a dream of icarus, KATABASIS: an underworld opera, WAR SORE, GAUDIA, SCREAMING TO THE [ V O I D ], and 8 more.
1. |
HOW MUCH [I BLEED]
10:40
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2. |
BINARY [OPPOSITION]
04:49
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3. |
RIVER [OF MUD]
24:28
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I heard the town crier
Fall silent
But the engines were still running
Away from the humans that made them
I've kept my curtains drawn on them
The trucks were yelling how sorry they were
For being made this way
And they begged for lightning to come
They drove themselves off clifftops
They just wanted to die
And then the flowers
wilted in the breeze,
Sighing:
IT'S OKAY
WE
COULDN'T LIVE HERE
ANYMORE
ANYWAY
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4. |
FLOWERS [DYING WILD]
04:56
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5. |
MILKY [GUILTY]
06:25
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I will always love you.
That’s the kernel of the seed of the fruit
Of the branch, of the tree, of the root of truth
Loving you was, and always will be
The longest,
loneliest
quarantine
A sideways glance through eternity
Through all the people we’ll never be
Through all the lives we cannot live
The things, to you, I could not give. ~
Fourth year of life, sat in the backseat
the feeling
of a seatbelt
Against my pinhole nipple
And the little-bird ribcage underneath
Wondering,
why
this comfort
was uncomfortable
So often, I would say: ‘Mummy -- I feel milky.’ Neither of us knew
The feeling
I was articulating to you.
It was the empty space,
where no breasts grew-- Milky:
guilty;
I felt guilty for you.
Having to raise a boy-- Crying, dad singing 'Play up sky blues!' The violence of volume
Filling up the football stadium
And the harsh sky-blue plastic
Folding, numbered seats--
[sum the value of a day of human life:
The cost of this same-blue, one-use mask] --Cracked and pinching my pale thighs
In the cold, I daren’t ask
The only question on my mind:
Daddy, can we leave?
Daddy,
can we leave?
Daddy.
Can we leave?
Watching the clock numbers change
While boys my age
would watch the game
And watch the scores as they stayed the same
I remember more than once
My father lifting me like a sodden wooden plank
Horizontal and sobbing
Before even half-time had passed
Apologising to his friends
That we had to go home
Because for some reason I was upset
For some reason I was alone
For some reason, I hadn’t realised yet
He knew that I had to go home.
Because for some reason I was upset
For some reason I was alone
For some reason
I hadn’t figured out yet
He knew
I had to go home.
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6. |
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7. |
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8. |
THE FACE [WITHIN]
04:49
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THEY WONDER WHY OUR BODIES LAY
RESTING ON THE RIVERSIDE
DISMEMBERED REMNANTS OF THE HUMANS
THE STATE SENTENCED TO DIE
TAKE YOUR EYES OFF OF MY FACE
THEY'RE BURNING THROUGH MY SKIN
YOU SINFUL WINNERS OF THE RACE
WON'T SEE THE FACE WITHIN
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9. |
LED [WAIT]
03:44
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low energy diet
light emitting diode
lowest effective dose
law enforcement department
larynx entrenching dysphoria
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10. |
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{instrumental fuck you}
A dark 1:00 AM last summer
I think I was taught the isolation
Of what it means to be a woman
In a mustard paisley shirt
And linen black maxi skirt
I walked from home to home
When a car sped past me
With a dizzying engine rev
And over my noise cancelling headphones
I heard the loutish screams of five men
And then all I thought about was death
Mine;
Stretched out over the next three breaths.
The car stopped, and turned, and sped right back
Through my head raced every murder, rape, attack
Happening to my sisters everywhere
And I couldn’t move
I just stood right there
For a second I thought I saw them swerve onto the pavement
Ready to run another atrocity of this city down
And I thought that would be the best outcome
At least then it would be over soon
But the car stayed on the road
And drove straight past
And then ned boys catcalled me
every one of them
Screaming: “YOU’RE GORGEOUS”
And I thought about how
those twelve seconds, for those men
Amassed to a single moment of banter between friends
And yet, in my head, I’d traversed the length
Of three thousand years of roads paved by men
That told me first: you’re going to die
And second: girl, you’re looking fine!
That told me third: they’d validated me.
the first night
unfrightened to show me
my femininity
That somehow, I was better for having been seen
And after: intractably guilty
As if I shouldn’t have survived what happened to me
Feeling like if they’d have killed me,
then somehow, from Them
From this inescapable anxiety
From this constant state of being
Like a flightless bird
crushed under the soul
of the foot of society,
then somehow
I would finally
Be free
{voicemail from an old friend}
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lonely carp Glasgow, UK
Callie Rose Petal is lonely carp
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